1. |
Dolorimetry
02:03
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I’m walking and it’s dark out – off amber lights sweep past. Everything is dead and silent, save for my steps. My eyes are dim but glowing with blood that is spent and hot, like a bullet. There is scarlet in the grass and vomit on my feet. A moth flutters stupidly. My hands meet my face, but the numbness is set in. Flesh is pale and dead like the haunting lights in the blackness that overhangs. Everything is being consumed. I stop for a moment long enough to realize that I am more than alone, that even the phantom me is long departed. Even a walking corpse has weight, but I pass through empty urban plains with only the shadow of impact. I carry all weight, the crushing mass of nothingness. There is little left to say. The blood is spilt. I open my chest to expose a cavity haemorrhaging vacuity. I gaze blindly and search for what’s left. But this too is futile and I crawl in to die. Death is not final. Pain is forever.
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2. |
||||
I know you care
You don’t know that you shouldn’t
I don’t want to leave you
But I have been gone
For as long as I can remember
I can’t save myself from me
But I can save you from me
What here is chosen,
Save for the means to my end?
Let me bleed away the tears
So I might see something one last time (other than myself)
This is for me
This is for you
This is for no one
Because we were always dead
I want to say I love you
But I don’t think I can love anyone
Never forgive me, ever
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3. |
Web of Lies
05:29
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I’d murder my reflection,
if I could see it
If I could know it
If I could know me
I’m so entangled; I’m paralyzed
I am not me
I cannot be
Please, won’t you hurt me?
Please destroy this face that belongs to no one
I am evil and hate
I am love and lust
I am antithesis
I am nothing
The lies begin where I live
And the lies end where I cease
I am not me
I must not be
Kill
I am a structure wrought from disconception, molded from artificial personhood, a web of lies
I don’t know myself
I know only loathsomeness
Kill me
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4. |
The Solipsist
05:42
|
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Empty gasps and dead whispers
Agonized screams and helpless cries
Are heard and unheard, fallen upon false ears
Cutting nothing, behold open wounds
Your bones are dust, I am embers
With your glass eyes shatter in my frame
Shrapnel of my making tears me
Some pain cannot be numbed
And there is no one to suffer it
Weeping in a stillborn existence
Come to me in blackness
And forfeit your phantom stumps
Turn away your wax faces
In disgust
Stabbing silence my blood is drawn
But it’s oozing like the ambergris
Stolen from the sea of piss and
Lifeless meat that I strip from god’s love
I am burning invisibly and I’m dancing on meat stilts
trying to catch the flame, trying to make some fucking sense of a vacuum
Die now, never
Bleed through, dry out
You can’t take me with you
I am alone in a hollow masquerade
What am I if you are all nothing?
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5. |
Introitus
03:45
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6. |
Fall
04:45
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I can’t feel anything
I can’t see the way
I don’t think there is one
Everything hurts
Cut me open
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